Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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