I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
