She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
