he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
