he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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