P.S. I can't hear my feet
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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