Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
