would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
