I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
