Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
