They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
