Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
