I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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