I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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