If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
