When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
