OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just invented taco cereal.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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