but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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