all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
