worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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