you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
please don't ironically join a cult
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