Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize