He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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