Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
