you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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