so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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