i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
