I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
