Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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