omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
