Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Randomize
