If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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