I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
