i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
