I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
