I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
