Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
