I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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