when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
