apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
