do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I lost the right to judge tonight
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