walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
