I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
