dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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