so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
