Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
This is my gift to your gina
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Randomize