I want to make a zoo with you.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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