I think I am morally bankrupt
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
