you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
