Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
