Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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