tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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