PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
