I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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