I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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