the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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