Umm I'm too high to move.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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