just tell him i said nine months
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
