i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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