I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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