I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
