where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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