how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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