I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
