the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
