I heard we made out
wat bout pragnant strippers??
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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