If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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