Whats the glycemic index on semen?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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